I have come up with a plan that will make me millions! I’m going to write a book! A fad diet book! It’s going to be incredible, and is coming to a “Diet” section in a bookstore near you soon. (Or maybe just in the “Diet” section of the Kindle store, or something.)
Would you like a preview of “The DeVine Physiques Fad Diet”? I will introduce very revolutionary ideas in this book, including:
- Eating more protein than carbs so that you will feel full longer, thus making it easier to maintain self control.
- Eating fruits and vegetables for more nutrients and health benefits.
- Supplementing with a multivitamin to make sure you get all of your micro-nutrients daily.
- Encouraging simple and safe workout plans.
- Promoting a healthy lifestyle.
And that’s not all! I will even introduce my revolutionary point system to help you track your food and how much you should eat. How does it work? You find out your BMR based on your height, weight, and age– We won’t call it your “BMR,” though, as that’s too scary. . . How about, “Base Body Demand”? Maybe my editor will have a better idea. Anyway! Here’s an website that will do that for you. Then, you find out what is “500” below your “TDEE,” only we won’t call it that– We’ll call it the “Adjusted Body Demand.” I need to hire someone that can think of catchier wording. You use the following formula to figure out your “Adjusted Body Demand,” where “X” is your “Base Body Demand,” and “M” is the “Activity Multiplier.”
[X(M) – 500].10
M = 1.2 if you’re sedentary; M = 1.375 if working out 1 – 3 days a week; M = 1.55 if working out 3 – 5 days a week; M = 1.725 if working out 5 – 7; M = 1.9 if you’re Michael Phelps.
As an example, my “Adjusted Body Demand” is 257. That’s a lot of “points” worth of food! So, how do we figure out how many points are in something I want to eat? Look at the nutrition label, and multiply the amount of calories by (.10). Example: A 100 calorie snack has a point value of 10. Make sure you hit the amount of points you have as your “Adjusted Body Demand,” and you will lose weight!
Of course, in my book, I’ll have an easier way of explaining all of that, but there’s a preview of our fad diet book, due out in 2014!
. . . I wonder if I should actually write that.